To Live an Inspired Life

I'm having my semester break right now and it's my third day being home in Kedah. I had a lot of thinking time. I read my old diary and reminded on how different I was back then. Mind you, I was full of emotions . Like literally I was just a ball of hormones rolling around in circles and it never ends. I get angry, I get sad, I get annoyed. But I was also happier. I was more cheerful. I looked forward to life. I was excited with pretty much anything . I was inspired and motivated. 

How exactly though, do you measure happiness? Or sadness? How do you know you were happier then? More content even. See I've always been curious. I wanted to have answers for everything. Sometimes I get the answers, sometimes I keep on wondering. 

Funny.

I was reminded back to my A- Levels days where I had to take IELTS and part of the activity that we had in class that day was to pair up and literally converse in English. My partner who was a senior asked me, " What inspired you?" . At that time I answered " the littlest things". I was inspired by the trees, on how it sways by the wind, I was inspired by the birds for being able to fly, I was inspired by anything really. I could literally talk about how good a person is and how I wanted to be like them. I remembered only speaking of good things about them , things that motivates me to be better. 

I don't have that anymore. 

I'm in a trance where I cannot find any inspiration to the death of me. Even small things demotivates me. Like its cold outside or it gets dark quicker, or it rains too often. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but these seemingly simple factors can get me feeling like I'm stuck in a rut. So I've been trying to dream up ways to keep myself staying inspired and motivated. And it's got me thinking about what it means to live an inspired life. 

It means to breathe. To wake up knowing you are starting a new day. A fresh start. Some don't even have the privilege of waking up so breathe. Take it all in , keep it safe and then the next day starts over. Those inspirations don't just come. Sometimes we have to look for them. 

Self

I've made up my mind. I've always had a diary that I'd write into every now and then because you know, when you're someone who had just so much to say 24 hours isn't enough. So I've decided to treat this blog as a sort of diary. Not really because there are things I would keep to myself so.hmm perhaps a journal? Something that I can look back on knowing that everything I post here is something that has been filtered. In a sense its a toned down version of my diary because a diary isn't a diary unless you pour out some tsunami of emotions you know. All I'm saying I won't be posting anything out of anger , foul language or anything sappy. Okay sappy is allowed. I love sappy. Who doesn't right? It's always good to be a little sensitive once in a blue moon. Gosh my writings are so bad. I mean I need to read a lot more. Improve my vocab.
Oh well.
Too late.
Posting this.